"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~ Anais Nin
~ Anais Nin
By dates, Peter's due date was October 18th. Once I had my first ultrasound, however, they bumped it forward to the 29th because he was measuring small and they didn't want to categorize him as unhealthy when he was doing just fine. After that, I decided he would come sometime in-between the 18th and the 29th.
Big mistake. :P
Big mistake. :P
The 18th AND the 29th came and went without so much as a whisper that he was coming. So I found myself at 41 weeks with my endurance draining away. I was done hearing people ask when he was coming, I was done looking like a whale in every. single. thing. I wore, I was done weighing over 200 lbs., and I was done hurting. I stopped going to church because every time I went I got asked, "Where's that baby?!" and because I couldn't sit straight through a service. I had to get up to ease my hips and get some air. Eventually I felt more like a distraction than anything.
Once you go past your due date, my midwives prescribe two non-stress tests (NSTs) and two ultrasounds a week to make sure the baby's doing okay and the fluid levels are good in there. The first NST and ultrasound didn't go super great so I got super nervous. My BIGGEST fear was that I'd have to have a C-section after preparing this whole time for a natural waterbirth at home. My second biggest fear was having to induce at a hospital. So when he barely moved for the NST and ultrasound, my heart just dropped. I had been feeling him move like crazy and had even had some contractions in the night so I KNEW he was okay, but that doesn't cut it when it's an official test, so.... The second set of tests was totally different. They went so well that I broke down in tears of thankfulness to the Lord for giving my ridiculously worried and emotional self a break.
At 42 weeks and still nothing, I started all the natural induction methods. You name it, I tried it. Acupuncture, massage, herbs, membrane sweeping, etc. Still nothing. I was starting to think this baby would stay in forever. (Life looked a little bleak like that, let me tell you.) Chris and I had to face the fact that we had to go induce instead of continue waiting until something DID go wrong. We decided Monday we would go.
On Saturday, November 15th, my midwife Colleen came over to do another NST. It went okay, but not great. She told us that UIC (our hospital) had so many inductions on Monday that they couldn't take us, so we had two options: go right then, or go Sunday night at 8 PM. I didn't want to start all the labor process when I was already tired and done with my day, so I said let's go right now. It was such a quick decision. My brain and emotions didn't catch up. I started to pack in a fog. I hadn't even thought through what going to the hospital would require. I grabbed some slippers, some lip balm, pictures some little friends from church had made me for the birth, random things. And then we left. I closed the door after looking at my piles of homebirth supplies and shook my head in disbelief. This was so not what I wanted. So not what I planned.
But God knew all of that, and had a much different experience ready for us than what I pictured and feared. :)
