some poetry for this soggy Saturday evening

MY life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell. {Emily Dickinson} I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea     Come drifting home with broken masts and sails; I shall believe the Hand which never fails     From seeming evil worketh good for me; And though I weep because those sails are battered,     Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered,                                  I trust in thee. I will not doubt, though all my prayers return     Unanswered from the still, white Realm above; I shall believe it is an all-wise Love     Which has refused those things for which I yearn; And though at times I cannot keep from grieving,     Yet the pure ardour of my fixed believing                                   Undimmed shall burn. I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,     And troubles swarm like bees about a hive; I shall believe the heights for which I strive     Are only reached by anguish and by pain; And though I groan and tremble with my crosses,     I yet shall see, through my severest losses,                                  The greater gain. I will not doubt; well anchored in the faith,     Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale, So strong its courage that it will not fail     To breast the mighty unknown sea of Death. Oh, may I cry when body parts with spirit,     I do not doubt, so listening worlds may hear it,                                  With my last breath.                      {Ella Wheeler Wilcox} The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster. —Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident the art of losing’s not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. {Elizabeth Bishop} i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)                                                       i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) {e. e. cummings}

they're watching

"If Christians lived according to their faith, there would be no more Hindus left in India." ~ Muhatma Gandhi

"Of one hundred men, one will read the Bible; the ninety-nine will read the Christian." ~ D. L. Moody

last night's surprise dinner

Here's a little cooking tip my mom never taught me: There's a little sandwich of time between 2-4 PM when you can make a brand new dinner recipe without fear, because if it doesn't turn out, you have time to throw it all away, take out the garbage, and spray air freshener everywhere before the husband gets home and no one knows a thing. Or, if it turns out to be spectacular, you throw it in Pyrex and into the fridge, clean up all the dishes, and voila, dinner's ready at 6 and no more work is left to be done. 

Thankfully, last night's dinner ended up in the latter category. 

Minus all the dishes being done. But I digress. 

While I don't eat shrimp "naked" (that means anything without breading isn't an option), I like the smell of shrimp and garlic and tomatoes and all that wonderfulness. I was really scared making this recipe because I've never cooked shrimp before in my life. After intense Googling, it sounded like walking a tightrope: undercook it and everyone will die of bacteria-related causes; overcook it and no one will be able to get it down their goozle pipe because of its tasteless rubber texture. GIMME A BREAK. I decided to make it anyway. (See first paragraph.)

You can find the recipe along with Natasha's beautiful tutorial photos here. I used chili powder instead of chili flakes because I didn't have any, and neither did Meijer. I also used a cup of chicken broth instead of dry white wine. (I won't judge you if you cook with alcohol. It all cooks out anyway. *cough sarcasm cough*) 

I think this would be best served over angel hair pasta. Make sure you wash your strainer out immediately after draining all the pasta, however. (See third paragraph.) 

So let me tell you how the story ended. I hesitantly made the recipe knowing that if I botched it, it was like throwing $18 into the garbage because that's how much a pound of shrimp costs these days. No pressure. The sauce was easy and smelled great. I dumped the angel hair into the hot water right when Chris got in the door. He walked up to me as I was stirring the sauce with the (cooked?) shrimp in it and said, "Is that...shrimp??" I nodded, and the next words out of his mouth were: "I love you!" SO, just saying, this could make your husband (or boyfriend or family or cat) REALLY happy so just go ahead and make it. The end.

It's a BOY!

Shoot. I forgot to update my little Blogger friends. Anyway, yes, on Thursday we found out that we're expecting a baby boy! Chris and I were just about 100% sure it was a boy, so it wasn't a surprise. :) 

We're keeping the name under wraps for now, but here are some pictures. The little stinker wouldn't let us see his face, but I'm hoping when I go for another scan in 5 weeks he'll cooperate!

He has Chris's delts. lol

His little ear, which can already hear!

His perfect foot. When he's born I'll still check for all his toes. ;)

20 weeks

Today I am approximately halfway to meeting my baby, and only 11 days from knowing whether it's a son or a daughter. :) People say it flies by, but time is doing nothing but steadily dripping for me right now. I am staying occupied, however, with constant preparation. This is the third weekend I've hit every garage sale I can find looking for baby stuff. I've come home with everything from chunky books to bassinets to Bumbo seats to those dated Fisher Price toys...yeah. My little closet over at my family's is already filling up. But oh my word it's so FUN. I have been blessed to find many unbelievable deals on very nice things I'll be able to use several times over. 

Thank you for continuing to check on me and see how I'm feeling. :) The support and kindness that has been shown to me and Baby has already been humbling and overwhelming. I'm not feeling sick anymore these days, but I do get bad headaches now and again which I'm offsetting by eating constantly, drinking SmartWater (THANK YOU, Coca-Cola!! :P) and sometimes drinking Pepsi (yes, my midwife said it's okay). I still can't feel Baby move, but I got to hear its heartbeat last checkup so I know its still in there havin' a ball! 

Believe me, June 11th can't get here soon enough, but I promise to let you know if it's a boy or a girl when the time comes. :) I. can't. wait. 

BFA Concert

Last night I played in my last fine arts concert! Very weird feeling, considering I've been in it every semester for 6 years! It went really well even though we all were exhausted. I don't think anybody got lost. ;) It was a lot of fun and I was very thankful it went so well. 

Here are the 100% organic brownies I made for the pre-concert dinner. The nuclear goop on top of course is not organic. It is not even food. :P

RB and I have kind of left off our 2-semester tradition of getting a pic together after the FA concert, but we figured since it was the last one for both of us, a picture was definitely a good idea. ;)

P.S. - Yes, I'm sick of my black dress, too. 

pray

I hope you've kept up with or at least been informed of all the stuff going on at IBLP lately. I'm sharing this article because I think he hits the nail on the head. In the end, we need to pray for everyone involved, including Bill Gothard. The little cliche about praying about it as much as we've talked about it needs to apply here. Sometimes the people involved with a cult don't have an immediate explanation or way out. They need our compassion and prayers.