Today being Peter's birthday, I am full of warm-fuzzy thoughts and emotional reflections and the like.
I remember Christmas 2013. I had been wanting to have a baby so badly, and being around Chris's side of the family did nothing to help distract me from my baby fever. (Think kids on top of kids. And they're all gorgeous.) My mother-in-law came to me nearly bursting with joy, bearing the news that my sister-in-law was expecting. I was like, "Oh, yay!" And practically flew back to our room, curled up on the bottom bunk with my pillow, and cried. That was honestly the last thing I wanted to hear, even though I truly was excited for her and looked forward to having another niece. I scribbled some selfish, sad notes in my journal and went to bed.
In January of the next year, I was getting ready for a full day of teaching. I had been feeling kinda queasy for a while but was in denial mode because my family was teasing me constantly and it had gotten old. I decided that day to take a test just for kicks. Thirty minutes before my first lesson. So dumb. BECAUSE, it was positive! I started trembling uncontrollably and didn't know what to do with that information. To this day I regret what I did next, because I could've done it so much better or cuter, but I texted Chris some dorky thing to tell him. Like, how not special is that?? And what was worse, his response was very boring. Even that night when he came home, he talked of everything but that. Guys are just so weird.
Being pregnant was a lot easier than I had imagined, but then I only suffered from morning sickness for about a month so I was lucky in that respect. I had been so very lonely being at our house all by myself all the time. It was too quiet. I didn't like being the only living thing in a little square house, so I bought an aloe vera plant. I considered buying a fish. I got creeped out by the silence so I had started listening to audio books and CDs over and over all day. I watched way too many movies from Redbox. So having Peter inside me and with me throughout the day was a very special blessing from God, in a very personal, answer-to-prayer kind of way. I couldn't wait to have a real live PERSON to care for every day!
I jumped all around for my prenatal care, as my idea of what a fantastic birth would look like changed several times. :P But one thing stayed the same: the few times I got to see Peter on the ultrasound were like opening the very best present you've ever received, getting to look at it for 5 minutes, and then being forced to put it back into the box. :( I couldn't wait to meet him!
I've already talked about my birth story here and here, so I needn't bore you with that again, but I just want to say once again that God had us in His hands the entire time, and sometimes the "perfect plan" that doesn't work out still turns out perfectly, His way. I saw God's grace and specific care for me much more in that downtown Chicago hospital, hooked up to all kinds of things I never wanted, than if I had been all cozy and zen in the comfort of my own home, thinking I was the one in control. ;)
Peter was finally, finally born on November 16th, 2014, at 12:54 PM. Pastor announced his birth to all my church family that night, and he along with many others avoided saying Peter's middle name, because who in tarnation knows how to pronounce Emile??? People started bringing us dinners and I went just a little crazy not knowing what I was doing. Seriously the only thread that kept me hanging onto my sanity was the late-night games of Sorry Chris and I played. We'd be exhausted, and really we should've been sleeping since Peter was, but I'd be like, "Wanna play?" "Yup." And we'd silently stare at the gameboard with dead eyes and enjoy being together, still breathing, for a few minutes before the kid woke up again.
Oh, the wonderful messiness of parenthood! I love it, I love it, I love it. Every single day is different and holds discovery and adventure and fun. The last two years have held so much joy for Chris and me as we watch Peter go from crawling to walking, and babbling to talking, and so many other things. I am so thankful today, and every day, for the gift of Peter. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!